I'M THINKING ABOUT RIDING MY BIKE

I'm thinking about riding my bike. It is sitting in the living room, all pretty and dressed up with nowhere to go. Getting a bit dusty she is.



I thought about buying a new bike, for a long, long time. I had a bike previously that rusted up in the bike yard and finally gave up the ghost. Everytime I went to a garage sale, I spied to see if there was a bike. In 2008, I probably went out garage selling about three times, bought a few books and trinkets, but no bike. Go figure. I thought maybe I could get my brother to get me a used bike somewhere, but he is pretty incognito and not into bikes anymore. In fact, he probably hasn't been into bikes for about ten years. Finally, sometime in the fall of 2008, I decided this is the perfect time. Go buy your bike.



First I checked K-Mart, Wal-Mart and Target. Then I tried a couple of bike stores in my hometown. Finally, I "impulsively" bought myself a bike at a shop near my daughters house. I planned on getting a beach cruiser, but I bought a five speed instead. I hopped (well, lumbered) onto the bike and "there she blows", I rode her about two blocks. It was pretty exciting!



Of course, on my new bike-riding adventure, I needed a few acoutrements. I bought a bell, cuz who can have a bike without a bell? I bought a light, for all those night time rides I was going to make. I bought a bike rack for all the times I plan on doing some long distance bike-riding and need to drive out to nature to find the perfect spot. My daughter was kind enough to get me a lock, so all those rotten thieves won't steal my bike. I already had a helmet, given to me by a co-worker in 2006, when I was still "thinking" about getting a bike, and I bought a "bladder" at Goodwill BRAND-SPANKING NEW for only $5.00. For those not in the know, a bladder is a contraption you wear on your back to supply your water on those aforementioned long bike rides in nature.

I took my bike out of storage and put it in the hall. My cousin put my bike in my bedroom cuz she was tired of tripping over it as she entered the house. I used the bike as a clothes rack for longer that I am willing to admit to anyone but a priest. Finally, I took my bike and put her in the living room, where she now sits. Every once in a while I look at her and think to myself, "Lib, why don't you take your big fat ass outside and ride the damn thing!"

The only problem is, I'm not quite ready. I don't have a basket, I don't have a thingy to put my water in for the short rides when I don't want to wear the bladder, I don't have the other things to keep my pants from getting into the spokes and most important I don't have the goony clothes to wear.

Well, even with all the deficits of the previous paragraph, I am still thinking about riding my bike. I'll even make a promise to myself to ride my bike This Sunday, my wedding anniversary, March 29th. At some point, you gotta stop thinking about it, and just do it. I just don't want to rush into any big commitment here, I mean bike-riding not marriage. Marriage should be rushed into, or you would never do it!

That's it. I've just decided, this Sunday is the BIG DAY! I'm taking the plunge, I'm galloping off in the distance, I'm taking the leap of faith. Dang nab it all, I'm riding my bike!

MY FAVORITE THINGS

Spice drops and Red Vines and black licorice poodles
french fries with chili and cheese, bring me oodles!
Fatty Fatty two by four with Lays tater chips
Recipes follows, it's my favorite dip!



Shovelling handfuls in my big gob,
eating just like a pig
I simply forget how much crap that I eat, and wonder why I'm so BIG



FATTY FATTY TWO BY FOUR DIP (courtesy of Cyd Summers)

1 pint sour cream

1 pint cottage cheese

Lipton onion soup mix, to taste anywhere from one packet to two, Cyd prefers 1 and a half

couple shakes of worchestshire sauce (Cyd likes French's)

a pinch of dried chives

a tsp of garlic granules

squeeze of fresh lemon

MIX ALL TOGETHER AND EAT , YUM!

1. EAT LIKE A PIG- eat all yourself with Lay's potato chips (family size, my fave) or Lay's Wavy chips (Cid's favorite)

2. EAT LIKE A PRINCESS- share with your family and friends, and add veggies to the dippers

3. EAT LIKE A PAUPER- change the recipe and use non-fat cottage cheese and non-fat sour cream, or yogurt, try a half-teaspoon, realize it taste like crap and give to the cat or toss.

Here's a list of more of my favorite things.
Del Taco French Fries, Mcdonald's French fries, Jack-in-the-box tacos, KFC original chicken, breast, with coleslaw and potatoes and gravy, Tommy's Burgers, Pizza Hat deep dish pizza, Carl's Jr's zuccini,

Is it any wonder I've put on a pound or two? Now, here's a list of what the diet people say we should love- tofu, sprouts, acai berry, tofurkey, . Yuk. This is why "take two" and "think fruit" is working for me.

So how, is that working. Well, pretty good. When I am eating my favorite things, I just take two, two cookies, two tacos, or a taco and fry (small for both) , and since I am thinking fruit and eating fruit three times a day, I am not eating as much other crap. Go figure, and not a tofu milkshake in sight!

DIET

I remember my first diet. Some of my girlfriends and I started freezing yogurt and putting it in our school locker for lunch, instead of eating whatever our mothers made us, or the school lunch. Yum. Yogurt . Nothing else for lunch.

Then, of course there was the sunflower seed diet. Eat other things if you had to, but the basics of the diet was sunflower seeds.

Then, Weight-Watchers. At least four times that I paid for, plenty of times that I didn't.

Nutri-system was a really good idea. I started Nutri-System which cost about $300 to join, about 23 years ago. They only had dehydrated food then. It probably wasn't a good idea to join right before I went to Club Med. That lasted one dehydrated meal at the "summer camp for adults".

I then decided I wasn't going to diet any more, so with my friends, we met at a "Diets Don't Work" weekly meeting. The most successful of the women there started using "Atkins" diet. I put on even more weight with that.

I then tried the "cabbage soup" diet. I remember that one well and so does my family. I started that right around the time the Winter Olympics was on. Even with beano, I wasn't fit to be with other humans. They locked me out of my own house and I had to watch the Olympics through the picture window in the living room. That was brutal! (and the fam would agree).

A few years ago, after finding out I had high blood pressure, I started a diet of my own design, the "is it gonna kill me diet". That lasted about a month. The idea was to not eat anything I thought would eventually kill me. Corned beef and cabbage ruined that. St. Patrick's Day, I'm a sucker for it. There's the end of "is it gonna kill me."

One diet that never works for me is "Trauma Trim". I may lose my appetite for a short period of time after major trauma, but it doesn't last long. It's worked great for a couple of friends of mine going thru divorce.

If "diet and exercise" really worked, wouldn't we all do it? I think it doesn't work. I think everybody has to decide what is right for them, what they feel in their souls and then do it. Most people are not 200 lbs overweight, or even 100 or even 50. Most overweight people are 20 to 30 lbs overweight, and they are just fine, thank you very much. They should just not worry and accept themselves.

The rest of us do need to think about it, and do what is right for themselves. That is what I am doing with "think fruit" and "take two" and that is going really well. Update on "think fruit" and "take two" next time.

TAKE TWO

TAKE TWO. Now what does that mean? Take two could mean take two whole turkeys to eat, or two grapes. Try as I might, I get no other message except for TAKE TWO, why not one? Why not three? And two of what? Nope, only take two.

So far, this is what it means to me. Take two, does not mean "Oh, thank you very much, I think I'll have another piece of pie", but it might mean "Yes, indeedy, I will have TWO pieces of that delicious See's Candy". It also doesn't mean, I will have TWO strawberries, or TWO GRAPES, OR TWO kiwi fruit, because when thinking fruit, I don't care how much I eat, I will each just as much fruit as I want, as long as it is fresh.

It might mean, I really only need two bites of Milky Way candy bar, though. I really don't need the whole thing. And it might mean, two Hershey kisses instead of two dozen.

Good things just plain come in twos, and that could mean you and that sweet spouse of yours, or it could mean your own good two legs, two eyes, or two arms.

So far, taking two for me has meant 1. At Der Wienerschnitzel, I got one chili cheese dog and one small fry, instead of two chili cheese dogs and a fry, because of course that would be three and 2. Same day, two pizza pieces and not three or four.

Now, some might argue, that chili cheese dogs or pizza pieces should come in NO pieces, not two, However, I would argue, that I don't trust people who really think that tofu is a subsitute for ANYTHING, and not just tofu, or they really do colon cleanses, and check their BMI's etc. These people are killjoys and not like you and me and cannot be trusted!

So, when eating Think Fruit, first of all, and with everything else, Just Take Two.